If I Knew Then,
This was written in 2003, 12 days in of what would become the year of my personal “DEATH”.
Of the 13 beings who passed away within a 17 month spec of time; My Momma was the 1st to pass on, December 23 2003, and the end of myself as I knew me.
By February 7th, now 2004; I had 111%
alone, taken on all planning + expenses + announcements + celebration of life events (widely known as funerals) + chose caskets + gathered all preparations + burial clothing + I personally, dressed, styled hair, applied makeup, painted toes & nails, and wrote personalized poems for 3 beings in my family.
In Less Than 2 months;
My Momma, My Step Dad, & My Niece who would have been 2 months old the day she was buried, had expired. Expired! I heard someone refer to passing as, Expired.
I recall the reality of that moment being what mused the following, ⬇️
If I Knew Then
If I knew it would be the last Time that I see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more Tightly and pray the Lord Your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last Time, I would see you walk out The door, I would give you a Hug and kiss and call you Back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last Time I’d hear your voice lifted Up in praise, I would video Each action and word
So I can play them back day After day.
If I knew it would be the last Time I could spare an extra moment, to stop; and say
I love you;
Instead of assuming you would know I do.
If I knew it would be the last Time I would be there to share Your day well;
I’m sure you’ll have so many More so I can let just this one Slip away.
For surely there’s always Tomorrow, to make up for an Oversight;
And we always get a second Chance to make everything Just right.
There will always be another Day to say, I love you, and Certainly there’s another Chance to say our,
Anything I can do.
But just in case I might be Wrong and today is all I get
I’d like to say how much I love You and hope we never forget
Tomorrow is not promised to Anyone young or old alike
And today may be the last Chance you get to hold your Loved one’s tight.
So if you’re waiting for Tomorrow, why not do it today For if tomorrow never comes You’ll surely regret the day, That you didn’t take the extra Time for a smile, a hug,
Or a kiss, and you were too Busy to grant someone what Turned out to be there one last Wish.
So hold your loved ones close Today and whisper in her ear, Tell them how much you love Them and that you’ll always Hold them dear.
Take time to say I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, Or Its Okay
And if tomorrow never comes You’ll have no regrets about Today.
* Joyful Day No Doubt *
You’ve heard the term,
“If I knew then, what I know now”
I’ve changed it a bit.
“If I Understood then, What I Understand Now”