Scary 😳

Vulnerable 𝒱𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓈𝒽𝒶

Vulnerability is a lengthy read. Thank you for reading. Thank you for allowing me.

Repair and hope begins with humility. Please bear with me as I stand upon this rock. I wouldn’t be honest if I don’t share, “I am terrified of vulnerability”
Yet here it is.

17 years ago I buried my whole family. 13 people including my husband .
All this loss in one year, six months, and 17 days. I lived in the shadow of this tragedy for 16 of those years.

I had disassociated so successfully,
I see know was the only protection I had from not falling apart completely.
I became both narcissistic and convoluted in my intellectual ability to sustain some type of power, when truly I had lost it all. I had discovered that my family passed away and I was left here to die.

I have two daughters, one of which I’ve always been very close to.
She has always seen me, known that through this tragedy that she couldn’t imagine what it was doing to me.
This unfortunately put a lot of responsibility upon her, assisting my journey and purpose, as she always believed it was greater than I was able to even imagine. You can imagine how much stress is put on her!

Seven months ago, on my estranged oldest daughter‘s birthday, I had overstepped my boundaries with her her parenting and my granddaughter. She told me I needed to stay in my lane, and my lane is where I went, leaving her on her birthday at an intended sleepover to celebrate.

It was at that point both of my daughters decided that they couldn’t take it anymore.

I have been very grateful to have been discovered by a guru who has taken me under his wings. For the past 6 months I have traveled. Visiting different Hindu Temples, learning and studying under monks, and high priests.
I’ve been cleansed, had dozens of pujas and found a freedom
I was beginning to believe was unattainable.

Regret is a rough space.
Regret has also been the most rewarding in the sight of humble humility. I have a very special bond with my granddaughter {I’ve not seen for 6 months} one I have learned I also very much want to have with my beautiful 25 year old daughter.

What I’ve learned, is seeking the truth is all I have. Self preservation and the recognition for what I’ve done to be why our relationship has unraveled.

I know that missing them is selfish as my daughter needs the room to be in a space where she feels ok. Safe enough to allow me inside. I have more hope, having learned, this is just was what needed to happen to allow both of us the space for recognition. Allowing the 2 of us to thrive within a deeper understanding that will lead us into gaining a love, for who each of us are, independently also who we can be together.

I don’t necessarily want to be needed. I desire to be her choice that leads her to want me. Wanted by being more pure of heart.
Allowing her to express herself without my convoluted opinion.

My younger daughter {22} however,
has been traveling with me for 4 of those 6 months and seen curses lifted and the freedom of my Being unfold.

For this I am humbled everyday in her presence. Aware of seeking how to navigate for the most rewarding path needed to sew the seed needed to continue becoming as well as Being
“A Mom”

Providing what she needs and how to be this Being that silently shines a light upon her unfolding.
Allowing her the freedom to be exactly who she is and discover she is safe in my presence.

For this today I am most Grateful.

Seeking to reach my oldest daughter through positivity and having become an overwhelming flow of pure love.

Thank you for reading. For allowing me to be here!
Namasakram my friends
💕

Greeting Yourself

“I” choose to Care for “Myself” enough to understand how to love me.

Meeting Myself

Remain firm in our thoughts, beliefs, and undeniable truth that we are all (human) Humans Being one race, connected by spirit. 

The spirit of Uni is and has been proven infallible time × time over.

What God looks like is irrelevant and where the inability of putting a face to the name causes ripples of doubt and disbelief.
Solution being holding space to greet ourselves.

A glance in the mirror, or even better, getting in touch with our souls.
Search, seek and find.

I am going to be direct.
No judgement, only care.

We are individuals by height n weight, baby versions of energy,
also being the big picture.
Not a smaller version of anything.

There can be no benefit in narrow thinking, or being so far removed from ones very own spirit.
An intentional relationship having tapped us into a bond with our inner child.

I come from a place of intense care❗
Let’s not limit themselves from
the connection we can have with
(Uni), the source that breaths into us life.

Uni is real, and comes in a package deal with added goodies for our energetic life manifesting pleasures.

Goodie additions include,
1 * individual planetary manifesting power.
2 * Natural healing remedies provided by mother nature.
3 * Power from the energy Lord Luna provides (in abundance when full)
4 * The Sun, providing the ability to live at all❗
5 * Trees to continue the great Godly breath.

More n more n more goodies

So... if we believe in the power of energy, planets, trees, Luna ect.
And believe in these sources because we can see them.
The truth is, no we can't.
We only see an image of these things and miss the source.

My question is, if you do believe in these sources, what do you believe?

Do we know how to gain the understanding for the power in
how to use them?
If not is it unrealistic to say,
There is a desperate need to gain
the tools for a deep spirit understanding of self.

Without these tools, we are
limiting ourselves by not understanding what we know,
leaving us in the void?

Let’s Look within, be within, understand within, then look into
the mirror, you will see a God,
a Goddess.
“You, will see Yourself”

We are created from the energy source.
The motherboard of reflection 🕉

Looking Forward 🙏

A Mother’s Gift

Here Now and For all Time.
 – The Gift and The Present
Daughter, you cast a light upon the
room with a golden glow.
Blossoming in the hearts and souls of all who bask in your light and warmth.

   Here Now and For all Time.
- The Gift and The Present
I wish for you to sleep with angels. For God to deliver to you all your hearts desires. 

I wish for you to wake refreshed,
joyful, and with feelings of
clarity, hope in abundance!

You are the brightest light I’ve
ever know or seen.
You are a blossom in the fury of life, splashing color upon all the darkest corners.
You are the most exquisite gift, amongst all the many gifts you
will give yourself in life.

I, am succeeding to find myself enraptured in the value of your
gift, by having become present.

Here Now and For all Time.
- The Gift and The Present